In 10 Days

We are moving to New Orleans in 10 days.
In 10 days I am leaving a stable career-enhancing job with benefits.
In 10 days Andrew is going to be a full time student.
In 10 days we will be 6 hours from the nearest family member.
In 10 days we are leaving a 3/2 home for a 2/1.
In 10 days we won’t have a definite source of income.

Deep breath.

People have done crazier things and made bigger sacrifices and adjustments. When I stare in the face of these realities I feel somewhat weak for crying over them 5 times this weekend. I feel a little selfish that most of my worries are material. I get a pang of hypocrisy that I appear to be handling it all so well. I get a sense of guilt over my struggle. We chose to do this. Any trouble with it is ours to swallow… right?

And there is always the lingering thought, what if it turns out like last time?

I want to be writing this post, telling you all about how faithful the Lord has been to me in all these things. How He has quieted my soul, taken my heavy load and delivered peace.

He has indeed been faithful. The problem is not His faithfulness, it’s mine. I have certainly been running on the fumes of emotion the past few weeks and they are running me ragged. I haven’t been drinking deep from the well of living water. I haven’t been waiting, resting, and seeking Him.

I somehow always allow this to happen when change comes. Things get busy, chaotic, important, or urgent and I somehow shift my power source from Him to myself. Like deep down the autopilot is still Charlotte and not Christ in me. Such is the battle of the flesh, I suppose. Will it be this way the rest of my earthly days?

I’m praying about it. I’m praying that my ever inward turned eyes would fix their gaze on Jesus and others in order to get a little perspective. That I might prioritize my need for Him above my need for sleep, exercise, cute hair.

He is with us now, He was with us the first time, and He is already there preparing the way. I’m marking my words because I know He who began something in me and in Andrew WILL be faithful until it is complete.